Road Test
by MikeJaffa
Summary: Never give an annoyed Scottish werewolf the keys to your favorite vehicle. Inspired by Maisie Williams' Audi commercial.


TITLE: Road Test  
SNYOPSIS: Never give an annoyed Scottish werewolf the keys to your favorite vehicle. Inspired by Maisie Williams' Audi commercial.  
DISCLAIMER: Marvel owns the New Mutants. The vehicle in this fic is not identified to avoid trademark infringement; for all you know it's a Buick or a Toyota. I am making no money off this fic.  
8

8

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I was scrolling through Instagram and saw an ad which featured Maisie Williams in an electric Audi SUV. Being a lifelong New Mutants fan, I immediately realized one of Maisie's characters, Rahne, has…I suppose you could say a friend who can teleport. But the post's comments were closed. But my silly muse wouldn't let it go and spat this out. And I threw in references to Game of Thrones and Doctor Who. Put down food and drink while you read this.  
8

8

8

8

Sitting in the passenger seat of the silver electric luxury compact SUV with the front windows open, Illyana Rasputin said, "It's not as bad as Limbo, but I think the humidity is getting to me." The truck was stuck in a traffic jam in the northbound lane of Interstate 95 in the Bronx, just south of New Rochelle on a hot, humid summer day.

In the driver's seat, the only other occupant of the vehicle, Rahne Sinclair, said without malice, "You don't have to be here, 'Yana. No, seriously, you don't have to be here. It was kind of you to help me get 'Berto's truck out of storage, but you could have teleported home. If you really want to leave, you can leave. I wouldn't mind."

"Want to get rid of me that quickly?"

"No. Just thinking of you, I mean if you don't like it…" Rahne trailed off.

"It's no trouble," Illyana said. "I wanted to keep you company. And I thought it would be fun to enjoy the journey instead of teleporting instantaneously for once."

"Stuck in a traffic jam on a motorway! How's that working for you?"

"Aren't you in a mood?"

"I'm Scottish." Rahne looked straight ahead and slapped the steering wheel with both hands. "Why did I let Roberto talk me into this? Why did he have to come to me anyway?"

"Because he knew could talk you into it and you're one of the few mutant superheroes with a driver's license. I mean with everyone we know who can either fly or teleport, myself included, who needs one? Why do you have one anyway?"

"Oh, well, at the time I had lost my powers so I was out of the club, and even if I was still in, you were still dead." Rahne thought it over. "Bloody hell. You realize if anyone else talked like that they'd be put on meds straight away?"

"Unless this is a shared delusion and we really are on meds."

Rahne chuckled. "You and me, roommates in a looney bin! Oh my god." She turned serious. "Why does 'Berto need this thing back on Karkoa, anyway? Where's he going to drive it? There are no proper roads. And how's he supposed to charge the battery? If Storm hits it with a lightning bolt, it'll explode."

"They'll just have to set up a charging station and pave some roads, or at least clear some trails," Illyana said. "They already put in a cell phone system so Boom Boom's cell phone could still work-"

The truck's phone rang. Rahne read the caller ID on the dashboard screen and groused, "And Tabby just has to let Bobby use it." She tabbed the answer button. "Hello, Luv," she said sweetly. "We were just talking about you."

"Where are you?" Roberto da Costa's voice came over the truck's speaker phone.

Rhane's patience wore out. "About 100 feet north of where we were the last time you called," she snapped. "It's New York City, after all."

"Is 'Yanna there? Why doesn't she just teleport the whole truck?"

"I don't know, Bobby, although I expect there's a good reason or she would have done it already."

"What's gotten into you, Rahne? Is Illyana giving you a hard time?"

"No, Bobby, 'Yana has been a perfectly delightful traveling companion. Don't ask me why. Maybe she has a brain tumor. Just keep your pants on. We'll see you at Graymalkin Lane!" She hung up. "Tell me again why Tabby still has her phone when she's surrounded by telepaths."

"Would you rather hear Bobby's whining in your head?" Illyana asked.

"No," Rahne said, "but still, now that I think about it, why does Tabby have her phone?"

"I think it was Emma's idea. I overheard her say something to Kitty about being sick of taking extra showers."

"Coming from Emma Frost that means something."

"Oh yeah."

They sat in silence for a few moments. Then Rahne said, "Y'know, Bobby has a point. Why haven't you teleported the whole truck?"

"It might take a little longer than normal," Illyana explained. "I would have to call a stepping disk that would be about the same size and shape as the truck so we didn't accidentally drag anyone in."

"Impossible?"

"No, but a little harder to set up. Then we would have to spend time in Limbo while I cast a scry and got my bearings as to where to come back to Earth. And you, old friend, do not like being in Limbo, which is why I usually go through so fast no one notices it."

"And I do appreciate you doing that, although I have been known to endure Limbo when the need arises."

"I know, but even then, Bobby probably wouldn't want his precious truck covered in Limbo dust and smelling like brimstone. Though it wouldn't be too bad if we stayed out of the Scar Lands."

"What's the Scar Lands?"

"Mostly a desert with some slime puddles."

"Dangerous?"

"No, but stinky and hard to wash off."

"Mmm. Of course there's the elephant in the room—that Belasco is running Limbo again; you're not the queen there anymore. How did that happen, anyway?"

"Long-"

The phone rang again—Tabby's number. Rahne started to reach for the screen, then pulled her hand back to steering wheel and straightened in the seat. "No," she said. "I've had enough of this. Take us to Limbo, 'Yana. Scar Lands, if you please."

Illyana chuckled. "Good one, Rahne."

"I'm quite serious! Take us to the Scar Lands. Now."

"Did you hear what I said?"

"Aye. Did you hear what I said?"

"You're going to hate it, Rahne!"

"'Yana, right now, I don't care. I could date the devil himself without a word of complaint if it meant getting out of this traffic jam."

"Actually, I don't know any devils who would be interested in you in your current mood."

"Will you just take us to Limbo already?"

"All right!" Illyana looked straight ahead, closed her eyes, and held her hands by her temples. "But don't say I didn't warn you."

"I consider myself duly warned. I swear I will not say you didn't say anything. Now will you get us off this blasted motorway?"

A moment passed. Then light flashed around them. They were in a burned orange desert with a sickly yellow sky. Then the truck dropped a couple of feet and landed hard.

Illyana said, "Oops! Guess 'Berto will need some new shocks." She was genuinely embarrassed.

Rahne smiled wickedly. "Won't that be a crying shame?" Rahne surveyed the landscape. "Oh, this is lovely." She stepped on the accelerator and the truck raced forward.

Illyana found herself gripping the sides of her seat. "Rahne, slow down!"

"I thought you said it wasn't dangerous?"

"That doesn't mean you shouldn't be careful!"

"What's got into you? I've seen you fight hordes of demons with just your soulsword and a paperclip while you were still in your PJs!"

"Yeah, but in none of those fights was I being driven around by an insane werewolf!"

"You have a problem with werewolves now?"

"When they're going to kill me in a car crash, yeah!"

"Oh, grow a pair, why don't ya?"

"And they call me the angry girl."

"And what should they call you?"

"Wolverine says I'm sweet and loveable."

"Compared to who? Lady Deathstrike? Half the women Wolvie knows are assassins he's fought. He probably says that because he's known you since you were a kid and you haven't tried to murder him."

"Not lately, anyway."

"What-?" Rahne stammered. "Are you—I-Never mind. I don't want to know. Say, are those some of those slime puddles you mentioned?"

"Yes," Illyana answered. "Roll up the windows if you're going to do what I think you're going to do."

Rahne rolled up the windows. Then she bounced the truck through the slime puddles. The mucous-like substance didn't get into the truck, but they could still smell it.

Rahne said, "That doesn't smell too bad."

"That's because you have a human nose at the moment."

Fur appeared on Rahne's body as she shifted to her transitional form between human and wolf. She promptly made a face. "Oh, Lord! You're right. That's rank." She became human again.

"I did kind of warn you," Illyana said.

"That you did," Rahne said. "Are you going to get your bearings now?"

Illyana cupped her hands in front of her. Fluid appeared in between her hands. "How are you going to explain this to 'Berto?" she asked.

"I'm not," Rahne said. "He'll blame you, because sweet little Rahne Sinclair would never do something like this."

"It's never a good sign when you talk about yourself in the third person."

"It's never smart to question the driver's sanity."

"Like I don't have reason enough?"

A foot-tall purple winged demon landed on the hood. When it saw Rahne through the window it shuddered and took off.

Illyana said, "What was that about? He looked like he was afraid of you."

"Knowing Limbo and how time is here," Rahne said, "it's probably something from my future, you know, wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff."

"What stuff?"

"I got that expression from a bloke I met. Or was it a lass? I've lost track."

"What?"

"No, Who."

"Huh?"

"Haven't you worked out how to get us home, 'Yana?"

Illyana focused on the scrying pool. "95 still has heavy traffic on it, Rahne."

"Forget 95. Just take us straight to Graymalkin Lane."

"That'll still take a moment. Or do you want someone to go through the Resurrection Protocols because we dropped the truck on somebody's head?"

"That would make for an awkward conversation at afternoon tea, wouldn't it? Whenever you're ready."

Illyana focused her concentration on the small scrying pool. Then she said, "Ok, got it…get ready to hit the brakes in 5…4…3…2…1!"

A flash of light and they were careening down the driveway to the vine-encrusted building that had been the Professor Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters. Other mutants milling around the grounds turned and looked as Rahne slammed on the brakes and they skidded to a halt. The scrying pool evaporated.

The two women got out of the dust-and-slime covered vehicle as Roberto came running over, his face ashen. (Tabby, her cell phone back in her hand, followed behind him.) Bobby gawked and glared at the truck, then turned to Illyana. "You puta! Do you think this was funny?"

"Hey, it wasn't my idea," Illyana said.

"You're going to expect me to believe it's Rahne's?" Roberto shot back. "You surprise me, 'Yana. To think I've always respected you-"

Rahne said, "No, Bobby, it really was me. I guess I lost patience with you. I'm sorry. Can you forgive me? 'Yana and I will help clean it off after we get a bite to eat."

"Well…" Bobby said. "I'm disappointed in you, Rahne, but as long as you clean it up, we're good."

As Illyana and Rahne walked towards the old school, Illyana said, "You were right, Rahne, he did blame me at first."

"I wasn't going to leave you hung out to dry."

"I didn't think you would. And of course, he forgave you."

"Puppy dog eyes come with being a werewolf, even in human form."

Illyana laughed. "I didn't realize you could be so devious." There was almost approval in her voice. "You can't tell me that's from being Scottish."

"That's from being a Sinclair. I found out what I could about my mother and did some family research. It's very interesting. You could call it a game of thrones."

"Oh, so is that why you keep me around? For plausible deniability if you ever need it?"

Rahne laughed. "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, Luv!"

THE END


End file.
